"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
