Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
