Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't turn off my feet"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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