She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
