no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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