Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
