he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
