I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
