At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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