my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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