And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
