this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
