I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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