I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize