does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
