Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
