I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
