I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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