what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize