Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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