the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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