i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
