like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
