toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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