just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
