here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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