I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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