I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
