Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soap is not a condiment
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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