Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
