I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
