he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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