Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there's paper in my vomit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
