a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize