We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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