Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
