I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
