so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
