i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize