I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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