The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
