a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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