You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
