I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
