Jerry, you need to find god
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
