Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
