Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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