It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
