totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
