I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
