great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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