four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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