I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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