omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
