I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
