new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
