can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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