Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
