Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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