just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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