Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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