It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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