dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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