After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
