it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize