just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
