She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
no you cant smoke seaweed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
