I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize