i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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