Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
