So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
