what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
